The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't deserve a penis
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then my night got REAL pukey
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
