youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
