so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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