i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
