Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
