So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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