Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
