So drunk its hurt
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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