We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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