How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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