Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
