some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you didnt know i had herpes?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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