Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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