She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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