Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
