do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fill condoms, not promises.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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