Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
