and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
