do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
