how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
