Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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