Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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