my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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