Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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