bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
