Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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