i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
