He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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