i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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