Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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