i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
