How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
