Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
