There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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