i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
