I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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