I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize