I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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