My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
