One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)