How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
