Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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