Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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