I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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