how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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