I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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