I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
