Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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