You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
