So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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