i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
