Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
