I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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