Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
two words: eviction party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
