remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
