I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
