I didn't shave. On purpose
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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