so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i will never coherently bang her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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