Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
