She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
