u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
