I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize