just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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