based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just google imaged poop.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
