none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
