remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
