how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
