i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
