my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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