Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize